The Men That Shatter Women into 1000 Pieces

I died yesterday.
No one noticed because I walked among the living.
But when I was alone tears streamed my face in the darkest shade of blue.

As the sun shone, I wanted to dig a hole to bury myself in her soil.
Hoping I might sprout a new, renewed, another color other than
the darkest shade of blue.

I told him yesterday it is hard to find your purpose in life when you have not been unconditionally loved in a lifetime. I do not know where the first lie began, but it perhaps was at “Greetings,” because he never started with “Hello.”

You may know him because he will ask “what did I do?” Well you did not introduce me to your family, a friend, or invite me into your home… so I could ask the same, what did you do.

But you smelled nice and in my company you often had a token that made it seem as if you thought about me. But those tokens were intended to make me not question, not wonder, not want more.

Flowers fade and have a way of masking things not said. And one might wonder how it is that I found myself shattered. The truth came knocking one day.

And when she came there was no thunder as if god was bowling in the sky. It was a simple whisper, and I might not have even realized that the truth was even that significant, but then you ran faster than a sound waves.

And I was abandoned without apology, and it is when that silence grew, that the pieces of me began to fall away the Opera’s 110 decibels had been reached and I was nothing but glass shattering into 1000 pieces.

Friday Jones

Fifty Shades of Grey – Through the Eyes of Friday Jones

50 shades of grey

I have not read the books and I am just seeing the movie for the first time in the privacy of my home over the Memorial Day Weekend. Not quite the way to honor our military… but ….moving on.

I have heard so much about this film. I started a new job in February and for the first two months a woman who is quite the librarian type who lives alone with her dog gave 20 minute recap of the books every morning for two months. The most consistent comments that I heard from die hard fans have been, they did not like that the film did not disclose how Christian Grey obtained his wealth, sex scenes were not over the top, and why her, why Anastasia.

After watching this film, none of those points matter. If you know my story, you know there have been some bruises about sex and trust. This film to me was about how tortured Christian Grey is as a man. Born to a crack addict prostitute who saw un-imagineable things by age four and who from what I gather had very dark and tragic things done to him. We have heard stories about those kind of children being sold for sex so their parents could get their crack, being burned with cigarettes, or beaten for pleasure – these are explicitly said at his parents house when Ana feels burns in Christain’s hair line – this is where Christian Grey’s defensive behavior, cut throat business tactics, his ability to read people, and his deviant sexual appetite coupled with his inability to love all come from. And at four years old, after having what was a dark life the Grey family adopts him into privilege and safety and as an adolescent Mrs. Robinson makes this fragile boy her “submissive” for six years between the ages of 16 and 22 years of age. Then fifteen women later into his adulthood and his rise to fortune and prestige in his own rite at the age of 26 here comes Anastasia, the Virgin girl with puppy dog eyes, that makes him feel safe, and moves his soul and he wants her.

How do I know this….oh I have lived a life readers, and when you understand how fucked up life can be at an early age, and you meet that someone that has a little “je nes sais quoi” you want to give them your world and your soul. His world happens to be that of luxury. His soul – that is where things get complicated because the princess life comes with the drawback of his demons. And the reality is he does not know how to love, and is challenged by the fact that he loves her. That person for me was the college BF and that elevator scene, you know the kiss, I had that moment after my college BF returned from an interview with the Clorox Company in San Francisco, and that kiss where he rushed through my front door on a little row house on 5th and O Street, NW Washington DC, and threw me up against the brick wall and kissed me with such purpose – scene was like a flashback. He wants her, no need to question why, she has “it.”
Unlike other women that may have been experienced, or that may have seen Mr. Grey and the opportunity to be his submissive as a role in the Disney fantasy that all girls grow up on, now with the revised version of “The Bachelorette” now selling fantasy to the next generation, Anastasia has an innocence about her and it draws him in – she literally adds color to his grey. He tells her he is “fifty shades of fucked up.” By the time she learns what that means, she has fallen for him. And so the saga begins. The fairytale is not quite what most women would sign up for, and that is a refreshing counterpoint in a Disney world.

I will not jump ahead and read the books. I will wait for the rest of the trilogy to unfold. But well done. It is unfortunate that people cannot see beyond the sex.

And now my two cents. Now I would have cast this differently – honestly the two actors seem like every day people – they are not what I would categorically categorize as standard Hollywood sexy, but perhaps that is a good thing. And am I the only one thinking – play room needs all new equipment – forgive me but I do not want my ass paddled by a paddle that has potentially spanked 15 naked asses. Same goes for the bedroom – as beautiful as it was, it would have been remodelled in a hot minute, no leftover anything in a billionaire world. I do not know where the actor that plays Mr. Grey is from, but he is obviously not American – please get him a dialect coach for the next two movies. And I read in the trades that actor Jamie Dornan is asking for more money to go full frontal in the next film – as naked as Dakota Johnson had to be for this one, please do not pay him more for full frontal his compensation should be equal to his female counterpart – but please do cut his bush, cause, hairy Johnsons are not very appealing on camera. Film is also a great conversation point for sexuality and pushing the limits of pleasure. Well done film, a fan has been born.


Friday Jones

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SONY Email Leaks – Stink on a Global Level

So the SONY Email leak is the funniest unscripted read I have had in a long time (but now that I think about it, the last good read was Aramid Entertainment against Relativity, but wait Sony slate was part of that lawsuit too)! The humor of course is in its truth. So Hollywood is racist, sexist, penis obsessed, filled with nepotism, and run by a bunch of egotistical individuals, certainly not new news. I mean Stacy Smith from USC Annenberg Center on Communication has the statistics on the inequities of Hollywood, but I must admit as much of a numbers person as I am, the transcript of emails certainly show how rampant these attitudes are.

But let’s step back a minute, cause America is in a protesting state of being currently and perhaps by a small stroke of luck we will take a stand against Sony where it counts, on their bottom line. According to Kaz Hirai, CEO of Sony Corp since 2012, “we understand how important recognition is for our creative work and how that corresponds to increased revenue,” according to February 25, 2014 article in Variety. Sony is basically owned 42.3% by Foreign Institutions and Individuals, 18.5% by Japanese Institutions, and 33.5% by Japanese Individuals and others according to March 31, 2014 reporting by Sony Global. What I get on how shareholders let executives run amuck is they don’t give a damn about horrific practices as long as they collect dividends. America consider not buying Sony’s creative works and electronics particularly over this Christmas season.

Amy Pascal’s “should I ask President Obama if he liked Django Unchained,” at least that was a Weinstein/ Columbia Pictures collaboration, but come on Scott Rudin “12 Years A Slave,” is a Fox Searchlight film. Comments are distasteful and makes one wonder what moronic offering would you two have for an audience with Shimon Peres, Benjamin Netanyahu, or Princess Masako.

Scott Rudin’s apology “I made a series of remarks that were meant only to be funny, but in the cold light of day, they are in fact thoughtless and insensitive – and not funny at all. To anybody I’ve offended, I’m profoundly and deeply sorry, and I regret and apologize for any injury they might have caused.” This apology sounds a lot like a non-apology apology which gives it very light weight.

Keith Le Goy – the young lady that alleges discrimination, bullying, name calling, offensive language by you – I just hope she finds legal counsel that can filter through the leaked emails and build a case and forces a subpoena for the people that allegedly witnessed this behavior to tell the truth that results in a healthy paycheck for her and rehiring by Sony in a position where she gets to live her dream unencumbered by goy. If these are the alleged practices of an individual with his team, what kind of mischief and road blocking does he do with a film project at the international distribution level?

Back to Amy Pascal one more time, when you find out Jennifer Lawrence your A-List talent is making less than male counterparts – you are supposed to fight for her…and AA too. WTF

And back to Kaz Hirai one more time, when ”17 of those employees were raking in $1 million or more, but only one of those $1 million-plus employees is a woman. Also, analyzing the pay of the two co-presidents of production at Columbia Pictures—who have the same job—pointed to another gender-pay disparity, with Michael De Luca ($2.4 million) making almost $1 million more than Hannah Minghella ($1.5 million),” according to The Daily Beast 12/12/2014 it is time for heads to roll. The term “Off With Their Head,” communicates physically cutting off the head, but it also killed the thoughts of the people with dead ideas. At this point in time Sony has committed to investors that it will slash another $50million to $100million in costs by 2016 from the bottom line of The Sony Entertainment Group – start with this fiasco and let the firing begin. Clean house and get some diversity in the mix at the production level. Business as usual is not the appropriate response. You come from a music background, be an innovator and let some of these old executives go, with their twisted ideology, and bring new blood in. Equal pay for equal work should be a commitment from you as CEO at both the executive level and for on camera talent.

The truth about “Little White Lie”

Little White Lie

Words that come to mind from Lacey Schwart’s story: Inspiring, fearless, unapologetic. Great film that has universal truths that would appeal to a wide audience. Thank you Lacey for willing to be transparent and sharing your story. Support this indie doc – it is a good one!

If you know a bit about me and my story, from those three words, you will know Lacey Schwartz is my kind of person. I watched this film last night at Laemmle Theatre in Beverly Hills. Lacey Schwartz, happened to be born into a Jewish Family to a parents that she thought were both of European descent and she was raised under the safety net of being “white.”

As a black woman watching this film I went through a range of thoughts and in a Maury Povich world of “you are not the father,” at some point the reality was this was a story about a woman that lies to two men, lies to her family, and allows a man that is not the father raise a child that is not his until the truth rears it’s ugly head and the offspring has to face the unfortunate reality of her blackness and what that means in American Society. Lacey allowed a camera into her life, as she discovered who she really was. Most people do not know who they are beyond the constructs of the family they were born into, or the religion they grew up with, or social queues and defining based on societal beliefs. Lacey in her experience had to challenge all of those ideas and she did it in front of a camera fearlessly in an unapologetic way. Well done Lacey!

If you are not familiar with my blog – commentary can run long, because I am raw and truthful in my thoughts – so here is the full range of my thoughts as the film continued to unfold. The lie Lacey had been told all of her life was that her father had a Sicilian grandfather that she took after. For a good portion of the film, it was plausible, and like the film “Skin” white people do have African ancestry that from time to time will allow recessive genes to manifest in a fair skinned child with African features, and I think by enlarge they are ill prepared with how to manage that situation when it happens. Although this was not the truth, it was interesting that as her parents truth – neither one of them had the courage to empower this child that was going to go to public school, or explained to her what it meant in this society which is she would be viewed as a black girl. In a way their denial left a young Lacey unprepared for this world which at times is unkind. I also thought it was interesting that she considered herself white, because some white people do not consider Jewish people to be white – but the reality is anyone in a white skin, regardless of religious beliefs, gets to be white and afforded the privilege that comes with.

I also thought black people, particularly African Americans have stories of Native American heritage, Irish heritage, French heritage or some other European heritage in our family history. Many of us have an uncle, grand parent or great aunt that looks white. We are not allowed to explore our whiteness because to the outside world, the blackness of our skin does not give us permission to have a white experience outside of family gatherings where the reality is what it is.

As the story continued to unfold, I truly felt for Lacey and her father because her mom’s “Little White Lie” had major repercussions. The “Little White Lie” took choice away from her “Daddy,” and although I do not believe in sin in the Christian sense – this is one of the greatest sins a person can commit against another human being. Lacey considers her family broken and she thought she could fix it, but her dad will have to go through his own journey of forgiveness. Back in 1968 or 1977 he may have had the capacity to love her mom, in spite of the truth, but his hurt at this point runs too deeply. As far as her biological father – it was interesting to me that she thought there would or should be a connection with him, beyond accepting the physical features that Lacey inherited, this man did not raise her or claim her, there was no way for there to be a real connection with him, and certainly none comparable to the affinity that her dad clearly has for her.

Side bar – with an audience of 15-20 people, I would expect all audience questions could be answered. Because of Lacey being raised Jewish audience was predominantly Jewish – and I did feel like moderator skipped over my hand being raised for a question as if my presence made her uncomfortable and she like Lacey is biracial and Jewish – so I left. Now me and my two friends were the only black folks in the room, and the moderator if I understood her introduction correctly works for Be/chol Lashon which advocates for diversity – they need to get whatever that was together to make sure commentary is heard from everybody where possible. That on a personal note was ridiculous. So my question/ commentary never happened – but I was able to pick my daughter up on time so 10 good mommy points for me… and I have a blog so 5 bonus points for me, lol.


Friday Jones

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American Promise


Followed me on Twitter this week. That simple act brought back one of the best memories of my life and one of the most poignant conversations I have had in this lifetime.

That conversation was with Stacey Summers, mother of Seun Summers. Sundance 2013 American Promise premiered and Filmmakers Joe Brewster and Michele Stepehson, friends and family came to Blackhouse’s space at the end of Main Street and they were electric with excitement. They entered the room with Zydeco band playing, Idris and best friend Seun were on fire – the film was well received and they were ready to celebrate. The Zydeco band was playing a rhythmic tune, and once the band found a groove Vikter Duplaix dropped an Afro Caribbean song and everyone on the dance floor lost it, including me.

I stepped off the floor to grab something to drink and that is where I saw Stacey standing and so I congratulated her. She reminded me of my Aunt Habibah and she had that strong New York twang and reminded me a bit of home. I thought Idris was her son, but then I guess he was tall and reminded me of my son – I incorrectly assumed. We laughed and hit it off and Stacey shared with me some of the experiences she and her husband Joe had navigating education in New York City. I think we wound up talking for almost an hour.

As a mom, I can tell you this film is so necessary, this dialogue about the educational gap in young African American men is an important one. Living in Southern California, the experiences Stacey and I shared as parents were common and some of the decisions made along the educational journey almost paralleled exactly. My son was diagnosed with ADHD, Stacey’s son was diagnosed with Dyslexia, we both transitioned our son’s out of “good schools” after the 6th grade looking for an alternative where they could thrive. As parents we worried about those decisions.

Well I just watched American Promise on Netflix. Kudos to the Brewster Stepehson family and to the Summers family. American Promise is amazing!!! The social dialogue, community activism, and educational tools that have come from this movement are groundbreaking. More info can be found at American Promise.

This may seem off topic a bit, but these are my closing thoughts, I remember being choked and lifted off the ground by my second grade teacher during a school play rehearsal. That one act taught me that you have to empower your kids to deal with crazy kids and insane adults in school. There is a moment in the film when Seun did not like a music class and another child projected onto him his prejudice and responded by saying “you do not like it because it’s not rap music.” Now if he had been my child I would have told him kids are stupid and you have to remember that people do project their insecurities onto other people and you do not have to accept it. In that situation you either call them on their shit or responded something along the lines of “just because your uptight parents don’t let you mix your classical strings with banging djembe beats don’t hate.” Now back to teachers for a minute, I have had A LOT of experiences raising an ADHD child in private, public, and charter schools, dealing with a host of adult educators, philosophies, energies along the way. I do wish that all schools had to give some sort of racial and/ or socio economic bias analysis to all teachers and teacher aides. I bottom line teachers and medical doctors to one thing, they are people too. Although their education may give them the ability to make very educated decisions, they are still people and people have biases. When it comes to educating kids, you should not be legally allowed to expose kids to your bias if in the long run it is going to be the disconnect that hinders our children’s ability to learn.


Friday Jones

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Do you know when the Universe is actively conspiring for you?

Have you ever had a moment where life was happening, but it slow motion and you could feel the pieces of destiny coming together? That is how I would describe what it feels like when you are aware that the Universe is actively conspiring for you.

My brother was in town just last week, now he had been planning to come to Los Angeles since August, but the date kept being pushed back because of project he was working on. Initially we were going to celebrate his birthday which is rare, so I was excited and then the delays so I stopped asking. Then randomly about a month after I get a text from my Uncle that my brother is performing at the Mayan Theatre Downtown Los Angeles. When you have a family member that is an entertainer, you do not have to be at every show so this show was not really on my radar. Then my mother texts me and asks if I wanted to go and take my kids. Then I thought – why not, this for them is rare, so I text my brother and we arrange back stage access.

Now two months ago I had a cousin move to LA from Washington DC. She has been talking about Chef Roy Choi aka @RidingShotgunLA since she arrived. She loves his personal story and how he turned his life into a lifestyle and a medley of delicious foods that we all get to enjoy. Well she also got a text and was going this show too at the Mayan.

The headline for the show was Souls of Mischief, Adrian Younge, The Pharcyde, Blue Exile and Special Guests Ali Shaheed Muhammad and Phife Dawg. My daughter brought her boyfriend to the show, he is an up and coming rapper with an old school soul and is in a group called Villain Park. This kid was so humble and taking pictures and observing everything around him. To my surprise Jarobi was in the house, the always present fourth member of A Tribe Called Quest. Jarobi invited me and my family to Line Hotel where he was going to be cooking from 6pm – 11pm. I was thinking cool something to do on a Friday Night. I was so proud of Jarobi when he became a Chef and now I would have an opportunity to have him cook for me. Good times.

Line Hotel is in Korea Town at the corner of Wilshire and Irolo. There is a beautiful mural of a lotus flower on the side of the hotel – it felt like good times waiting to happen. I walked in my cousin was seated and we were at Chef Roy’s hotel. Jarobi came over with a wonderful crab dish that he prepared, and then Chef Roy came over and when I say he rolled out the red carpet – he and his staff absolutely catered to every desire and prepared a meal for royalty. Thanks Jarobi and Chef Roy. My cousin got her wish and she has a picture to prove it!

The Souls of Mischief performed a new song that I felt was so telling “There is Only Now.” The lyrics to the hook are “the past is an illusion, there is only now, the future is fiction, there is only now.” Adrian Younge had joined us for dinner. When the desert tray came around my brother introduced Adrian to a woman that he felt Adrian should know. As I sat eating a delicious piece of Chef Roy’s Tiramisu Cake, I noticed the woman had good energy. When Adrian sat down I asked what did she do, he said he did not know and I should find out and as he took a piece of cake my cousin was eyeing he said to both of us, that was to teach you a lesson if you want something go get it. I remembered the hook to the song and there is only now. So I got up and introduced myself to the woman, it turns out she was like the international marketing executive for Toms Shoes – she suggested that I look up jobs online at and she told me they believe in work life balance and in their employees going on their giving missions. I was intrigued.

So the next morning I went to Toms website and I was blown away by their story. I mean everyone knows the gist of One for One concept, but what Blake Mycoskie has done is really phenomenal. It reminds me of a 3M Post It competition that I entered for an opportunity to win $25,000 to start a business, and you had to do it on a post it. My idea was for a lingerie company that would provide school uniforms in underdeveloped countries for girls to attend school with manufacturing in the communities helped. Unfortunately my entry was disqualified and I did not win, but it is a dream of mine and Blake Mycoskie got it right. I knew I wanted to work for Toms. The accounting jobs listed were not anything I was interested in and they were entry positions which means low pay. I completed an application for Executive Assistant to the Senior VP of International Marketing. Now I do not know if I will be hired, but the Universe definitely ignited a spark and I am listening.




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When is the last time you voted for your local Judge?

One of my very good friends Kaypri posted this to her Instagram:

Her mom Miss Dorothy was a Freedom Fighter in her day and she was a White Southern Woman!  See her story at 

Ferguson is at the forefront of news conversation these days.  When you have a town with 66% of any race and that race does not take time to vote in local elections to make sure their politics are represented by people that will legislate and enforce policy that is considerate of the 66% Ferguson will exist.  Complacency is not concerned with anyone’s civil rights.  If young men can go to war at 18, they can vote at 18, and if they can vote at 18, they can run for local government.  America is one of the few places on the planet where individuals still matter and I encourage young people in particular to seek political offices and stir up the pot, because status quo has never been cool – even Kanye said “What you think I Rap to push a RAV-4.” If you are going to work and pay your taxes and live a life of civil obedience, dare to run for office and create the dream instead of being a pawn in other people’s dream.

If you want to see change be the change you want to see.  So I ask the question, when is the last time you voted for a judge in your local election and knew his or her politics?


What would you do?

What would you do if you thought you were having a heart attack?

I am writing this because we all have played this game.  What would you do if you had a million dollars or what would you do if someone had said something obscene to you – even Kanye has a lyric that is an old school saying with the same premise “I wish a ni$$a would..,” but really what would he do?

Tuesday of this week I really thought I was going to have a heart attack.  I was at work and I kept having heart palpitations.  Now sometimes that happens because my bra is too tight – at a 34G it happens, but this was not one of those days.  I even looked up on line what were heart attack symptoms in women and what to do.  The basics were call 911 and take aspirin.  And as I was having the next set of questions well what are you going to do.  And honestly I thought about my reality – I am working but I still do not have health insurance – I don’t care how you repackage it $750 per month for me and my teens is more than I can swing a bat at right now.  If I have a heart attack and live – I can tap into my life insurance for critical condition which would actually cover the hospital bill and make me financially whole – but then if I died after the heart attack and paying the hospital bill there would be no life insurance for the kids. And I sat at my desk and wept for people in this situation.  I realized I would miss my kids, mom, family and then I thought well if I do kick the bucket who can I trust to tend to some last minute things.

Now I have a will and trust, and life insurance – so in my mind I have done my best to prepare, better than some people and if I went to a hospital and nothing was wrong with me I could wind up with a fifteen thousand dollar bill to have someone tell me nothing was wrong with me.  So what would you do?

I sent a text to my mom telling her I needed to talk to her when I got home and I decided if I were going to die, I was going to have enough time to take my daughter home from school one last time, tell her and my son I loved them so those would be the last words they remember me telling them, and I was going to sit my mother down to make a list of important information.

Now when I left work to pick up my daughter – a friend of hers needed a ride home.  I literally drove from the school as composed as I could be but there were tears I was fighting back because I thought I might kick the bucket.  My mother has on a couple of occasions said – one day after the fact ” ooh I thought I was going to kick the bucket, I laid on the floor in excruciating pain and had written you and your brother a note.” I had decided if I am going to kick the bucket I am telling folks before the fact – because really who wants to die alone.  Now don’t get me wrong, I did not ask my mother to come sit with me and watch me die, but I wanted her to know I loved her, this is where life insurance is, this is where trust documents are, this is who executors of the trust are, you have $750K make sure the kids have money for college, buy out the lease on the car so they can share the ride and have fun driving it, here are login passwords, credit cards and the like, there are rental checks that should be deposited from tenants.  I wanted her to tell my brother he was my best friend and then we both teared up gave each other a long lasting hug and I said goodbye.

So again what would you do? Hit me up on twitter and let me know.

And just in case you figured it out.  I lived Ha!



Friday with Friday – Finding my Faith

Dear Readers,

Bare with me as I go through this entry – it is a little all over the place, but living life is a process and blogging is no different.

So yesterday I found my faith.  Faith is generally something I have struggled with and the issue at least for me was that my mind could rationalize things and my heart could feel things, but often my thoughts were not in sync with my feelings.  I could understand faith as a concept, but in terms of how I felt – that was another subject.  You have to remember my introduction to God as a child was fear based – do what God says or be damned to hell – so how can a person build faith in a being it has learned to fear?

One of the lessons in A Course in Miracles is “love holds no grievances.”  I had to look up the definition of a grievance. By definition a grievance is a real or imagined wrong or circumstance regarded as a just cause for a complaint.  The thing about an imagined wrong is one can un-imagine a wrong. Last week a female friend of “The Actor” reached out to me on Linked In of all places – a business platform.  The message said quite simply “so and so says you are a friend and would like to invite you to her network” talk about a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  I thought firstly I have really not communicated with “The Actor” since August of last year, in October of last year I decided he and I did not need to be Facebook friends for a few reasons, if he wants me to know about his going ons, he knows how to contact me and share, what he was posting was falling in line with projects as they were being released, so for the most part what was on FB was old news and last my female intuition had already popped on this individual and I decided that my intuition was trustworthy so I ended FB our communication. Now almost six months later out of the blue I have this “friend” request on Linked In.  Needless to say I deleted the woman’s request to be my friend.

Now there was a part of me that wanted to contact The Actor to tell him get your chick in check – but that action would indicate that I had a grievance with him as well as a grievance with this woman.  In reality I do not have a grievance with either of them or anyone else for that matter.  I had forgiven The Actor some time ago for the silencing of our relationship and I have also forgiven myself for being hurt by his actions – forgiveness means no grievance.  Now I forgave this woman because the action of her reaching out to me really only served the purpose of her bringing whatever dramas and insecurities that she has created in her own life surrounding this man, our only common thread, into my reality and life, so I forgave her for what she thought and felt about me and asked the universe to bless her – forgiveness means no grievance.

Yesterday I actually thought about The Actor. I actually have faith that despite how things are he and I are not done.  I remember how we first looked at each other and those exchanges are quite rare.  It is those moments that make people buy posters that say things like “believe in love at first sight.” Love at first sight actually happens and I believe that.  As I was thinking these things AND feeling filled with faith, it occurred to me that believing in the possibility of being reunited in a relationship with The Actor was no different than having faith, having faith in God – in that things will be okay, and having faith in myself.  I had found a way to connect my heart feelings to my thoughts about faith and honestly what a peaceful state of being. I rested in my thoughts and my feelings and allowed them to flow through me quietly.

I had a long talk with one of my best friends from New York.  She and her boyfriend of five years seem to be coming to an end.  It is breaking her heart and she is having a hard time letting go and setting boundaries as the dynamic of the relationship changes.  I told her the story of how my brother fell in “love” with his girlfriend.  They were on again off again, fast and furious, seeing other people, the relationship was simply not committed, very passionate, and emotionally immature. Something actually very external to the relationship is what brought it together.  There is nothing that my brother’s girlfriend could have said or done to improve the hot and cold of their relationship.  One of his best friend’s grandmother’s died and at her funeral he was moved by her life, what she had done in life, how she had loved those that were important in her life and how wide her love spread through her family, her church community and her community at large.  She was just one person that made a difference and her difference was love.  That impacted my brother so much that he took an internal review of his life, and as his best friend he sent me a lengthy email about the people he loved and what message he wanted me to convey to them should something happen to him.  He made a decision to commit to those people that were really important to him – including his on again off again girlfriend.  Now at that time she was not particularly receptive and he had some work to do to show his commitment and he did what he needed for as long as he needed for her to come around.  I explained to my friend that there was nothing she could do to change the heart of a man.  Have no grievance with him or the situation, forgive him for not being able to commit right now and forgive yourself yourself for being hurt by his inability to commit and let it go – meaning do not be vested in a particular outcome. This is easier said than done, but it is true.

Life so often does not happen the way we want it, when we want it, how we want it, and we say it is unfair and our feelings are hurt, and if this thing could have just gone that way, I would be happy.  At any moment in time if you are unhappy, you can forgive a person, a situation, and yourself, and instantly move from a state of being unhappy to a state of peace.  We all have that ability – removing grievances.  In my particular situation with The Actor I am unconcerned about the details, anything that happens or does not happen is for my greater good and his.  I could have a lot of grievances just based on my life circumstances in general, I am moving beyond finding grief.  I have wonderful friends and family that have been nothing short of blessings and I have to remember to count those blessings and find joy in the blessings rather than sorrow in what is not how I want a particular situation to be.  This is a major break through!  Imagine the power of Nelson Mandela’s mind while he was in prison, this is the mental metal that we all must exercise daily as Mandela did.

I had an interesting conversation yesterday with my mother on this subject of faith.  She was struggling with an issue and what I told her was I have always felt some reverence for people that because of their religion allowed them to embrace faith.  You talk to Christians and they say God will take care of whatever because of the Power of Jesus Christ, or you talk to a Muslim and in the name of Allah…Muhammad may peace be upon him said XYZ.  And these conversations are the same if someone is Buddhist, Krishna, Jewish, Hindu – whatever the religious practice, they believe in a doctrine, a system and believe in it even if logic would disprove some portion of it, for them it is an absolute.  I think that is an admirable trait. But for someone like me that was not “raised” in a single religion or was raised to be afraid of God within a doctrine or in my case two doctrines, it is not as easy to simply believe.  It is only through my understanding that I could explain how I found my faith to another human being – not unlike those raised in a particular faith bases system. My faith lies in the agreement of my heart feeling and my mind thinking it is so and it is possible, and so it is as the two are in agreement.  That is faith. For me it is a new found sense of peace.

Peace & Blessings,


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Friday With Friday – A Spiritual Walk

Yesterday was my good friend Kaypri’s birthday.  As women are sensitive about their ages, I will not share hers online.  As part of our celebrating her day, we had breakfast at a local LA Fav – Toast on W 3rd.  I ordered orange juice and I brought with me my canister of “Green Vibrance.”  Green Vibrance is one of those green powders choc full of vegetables, algae, sperilla, vitamins and minerals.  I start my days with a daily dose of green.  After pouring a scoop of green goodness into my orange juice, my friend decided for her birthday that she would also order orange juice for an opportunity to go green.  We both enjoyed our green drink and the rest of our meal, and she thanked me for sharing.

Now if you have been following my blog you would know I grew up Christian Baptist and Sunni Muslim and as a kid the basic message I received was accept being baptized in the name of Jesus or you are going to hell, or accept Islam by saying there is no other God but Allah or you are going to hell.  Well I accepted Jesus and Islam, what kid wants to go to hell, particularly when they seem to already be living in hell on earth.  The last thing I needed was for my soul to be tormented and on fire for the rest of its days.  I had resolved at some point that different religions are simply God’s understanding of the human psyche and different religions were gifted to man to reach man where he was spiritually.  That has long been my belief because even as a child I thought it a little ridiculous that man’s expression of hellacious renaissance renderings and hell bound stories were the best of what God could offer as religious practice.

Since reading Marianne Williamson’s book, “Return to Love,”  I have actually picked up the book “A Course In Miracles” by the Course in Miracles Society.  I think the timing of my finding these teachings is no simple accident – The Real Friday Jones Blog was the catharsis needed for me to be accepting of the teachings.  So every day for the last month and a half, I have been practicing the daily lessons, three to five minutes at a time three to five times a day.  I start my day off in purpose filled thought, exercising my faith muscle in mini Friday with Friday moments.  Today in reading  the teacher’s section 3 “What Are The Levels of Teaching,” I read “…the plan includes very specific contacts to be made for each teacher of God.  There are no accidents in salvation.  Those who are to meet will meet because together they have the potential for a holy relationship.  They are ready for each other.”  This reverberates what I knew to be true at the age of ten.  Even the Course in Miracles is very masculine in its presentation of God and that makes sense as we are in the year 2013 of our lord Jesus Christ, in a time of the patriarch and so it is easier to say God is a him and for it to be accepted than to say God is a she as the world is now just entering the rebirth of the Goddess – not that she ever went away.  It is relative and where people might create conflict, there really is none.

My good friend Rich when I started this blog sent me a private message on Facebook and I want to share a piece of it here with you. “My instinct is to tell you to close ranks. Even though we don’t talk often, I consider you one of my thinking friends (So many people don’t think). Closing ranks is out of fear and hatred of a thoughtless world. Then I read your thoughts and I think about the good people out there. The writers who share there lives so that we don’t feel isolated, even in our clicks. So, write on (right-on). Keep doing you and maybe I won’t worry about doing me.”  I love Rich for sending me this message, and it is important to me that I share both what I know and what I have learned with the world because I have been called an “old soul” for most of my days, who knew some of my wisdom would be born of my wounds.  If I can help save one soul by relating to them where they are, then my purpose for having a human incarnation has been well served.  Would I wish the hurts on my life on anyone – NO, but if those hurts can heal the next man or woman, so be it.

Below are the first thirty lessons from “A Course In Miracles”  you can also go to for full lessons as offered by Course in Miracles Society:

  1. Nothing I see means anything.
  2. I have given everything all the meaning it has for me.
  3. I do not understand anything I see.
  4. These thoughts do not mean anything.
  5. I am never upset for the reason I think.
  6. I am upset because I see something that is not there.
  7. I see only the past.
  8. My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.
  9. I see nothing as it is now.
  10. My thoughts do not mean anything.
  11. My thoughts show me a meaningless world.
  12. I am upset because I see a meaningless world.
  13. A meaningless world engenders fear.
  14. God did not create a meaningless world.
  15. My thoughts are images which I have made.
  16. I have no neutral thoughts.
  17. I see no neutral things.
  18. I am not alone in experiencing effects of my seeing.
  19. I am not alone in experiencing effects of my thoughts.
  20. I am determined to see.
  21. I am determined to see things differently.
  22. What I see is a form of vengeance.
  23. I can escape from the world I see.
  24. I do not perceive my own best interests.
  25. I do not know what anything is for.
  26. My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.
  27. Above all else I want to see.
  28. Above all else I want to see things differently.
  29. God is in everything I see.
  30. God is in everything I see because God is in my mind.

For those of you that may be worrying A Course in Miracles is public domain material and reproduction, sharing, and quoting from the material is encouraged.  Where reproduction involves commercial sale of more than ten percent of the total content of the book, in any media, written permission of the copyright holder is required.  So I am not violating any laws by sharing this tid-bit of information.  I can tell you I have specifically chosen these introduction into ACIM because thoughts are the foundation of all creation.  And this one fact is so important because it is how one perceives the world through thought that will dictate what events, situations, and circumstance MEAN to you – joy/ sadness; opportunity/ loss; peace/ hell.  What if things happened and they meant little or nothing to you and caused you no emotional distress because your faith was a mighty lioness that made your fears seem the size of a gnat?  Controlling how you think about things, and most importantly yourself is a true spiritual walk, and every journey begins with what – a thought!

This is my green juice for today that I share with you just like I shared with my doll of a friend Kaypri on her birthday.  Celebrate life, celebrate love, and live fearlessly!



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